Gorgeous song- The Waves

I'll get away, get in the car
I'll reach the shore before sunrise
And I'll watch the moon and stars
I'll tell them everything about us

I left last night
I reached the shore
Trying to find everything I lost
In a thousand waves
A million waves
Still, somewhere I am sure

That I will see your face
I will see you there

Morning sun
Before you will rise
Before you'll come and shine again on us
Let me find, let me find, let me find

Some comfort in the night
Cause I don't mind what I've lost
I've reached the shore
And nothing ever changed
In a thousand waves
A million waves
Oh still I look for love

And all I see is your face
So I come back home to you

I bleed but I'm choosing you again
I'm done but I'm ready to begin

Interaction unknown, thought process undetermined. And you wonder why people look at you like you are more than them. Because you are. Make it worth their while.

Why did you go?

Ever since I came back, people asked me, why did you go? I tried to explain it, in simple terms,out loud and realized there are no simple reasons why. That the method to my madness runs too deep and my answers are not always what everyone wants to hear. So I figure I can put down my thoughts on paper and see if sense can be made. I suppose the simplest explanation is this... I needed to get away, to sort through, get things in order, figure out my own priorities. To gain perspective and find myself. What I realized though, is that all that isn't easy. I tend to put everyone ahead of myself, I take only a little that I need and give more than I have, just to see people smile. That I've in some ways grown up too fast and there's a part of me still aching to be young and discover the reasons why things work the way they do. Either way I'm trapped in myself trying to break free. I realized that I don't trust easily but when it is found it is fully , even to the extent of hurting myself in the process. I love easily but fear rejection to the point of pushing everyone to do just that. So many things go through my mind that I need to get them out so in desperation I pour my soul into books and words that no one may ever read. Not that I don't want anyone to know but once again the fear of loss and hurting comes into play. I also realize that it is those fears that make me try that much harder to succeed. Examples of my inner thought process, explains why I remain close to those that i do. She doesn't understand what it's like to stand on her own two feet. To come home to bills and unwashed dishes. To sit eating tuna out of a can and watching ten TV stations with nothing on because she couldn't afford to pay the bill this month. To work two jobs out of necessity and to drag through the day because she had to. She doesn't know what she wants to do with her life, switching her dreams, goals and desires on a whim because she knows int he end she will be provided for till the end of time if needs be. She wants so desperately to be loved that she clings to the past and won't look to the future . she relies on the words of others, to gain her validation and strength. But she's there when you need her. A call or a car ride away, when your hearts been broken or you feel lost. For those she calls friends she will provide all she has because somewhere inside she is able to give with  her all and that's why she is important in my life.  He has his problems like everyone else but hides from the outside world. He lives in his shell of attention grabbing because he has had his heart hurt more than her knows what to make of it. He provides for himself and those he cares about. He deals with his life without the help of others and outside drama that goes on with his friends. His strength is breathtaking and his wisdom immeasurable. He can make you smile and hold your hand or tell you exactly what he's thinking. Not to hurt but to help. That's why he is important to me. She is cold. Criticized for her open mind. She doesn't like outsiders and often comes off as harsh. She gave up what she thought was her path for a new one. She gave her life to follow her love.To live in that little girls dream of true love. She constantly tells you how she feels left out, but she alienates herself in a dream world. You can't have her without him, and she wouldn't have it any other way. She is a fighter and a lover. Determined to give everyone and everything 110%. she loves with her whole heart and her mind is always working. That's why she's important to me. The final person that comes to mind can't be addressed the way the rest of them have. This person is hard to read, has an attitude and is amazingly wanted by the opposite sex. With just a look or tone of voice, your world will be filled with laughter and tears. He knows what he wants and loves to have casual sex. He revels in the attention paid to him, when he wants it. Otherwise he can and will pull away and reject you for it. He lives for his games, and spends innumerable amounts of time wrapped up in his world. It's not that he doesn't know how to love, but that he has loved and in the end it hurt him. I don't believe he has given up the notion of love and relationships, but that he is more secure in knowing if things are kept casual  and he is control and he won't get hurt. Unfortunately that makes him hard to get inside, to read, to know what the truth is. He can make you feel like the most beautiful special wonderful creature int he world. He can make you feel such lust and such jealousy in the same minute that you just want your heart to explode so you just don't feel anymore. He has a brilliant mind and puts it to use. He struggles to makes ends meet at times. Just because he wants to make it alone. He knows he can make it alone and he's in dependant enough to live life, and enjoy it all at once. His smile can light up a room and he will argue his point vehemently if it means that much to him. He's strong willed, determined and although it may not sound like a redeeming quality, cocky. Once inside his world he will defend and protect you to the best of his ability. Now you may be wondering why this is different from the rest. I guess because when it comes down to it, I know I could love this boy. But loving someone you can't read is one of the hardest things to do. You drain yourself trying to break the shell and decipher his cryptic words that in the end you are tired and worn out and haven't gotten a fraction deeper then you started. But just when you are about to give up he comes out with something so profound that you try again. It's a vicious cycle, till you remove yourself from it and steep back. You learn to relax and take it as it comes, enjoy the mental stimulation and bodily pleasures and know that it is all OK. That's why I write about him this way, because he is an astounding person and a great friend and the boy I could love. Now all this relates in someway to why I left for a little while. I needed to sort in my own head what all these things meant and to finally order the workings of my mind. Three weeks left to enjoy and then once again I'll be gone, I doubt things will stay the same while I'm gone, so I don't expect anything. I know when I come back I will have grown up a little bit more and begin to start living and learning in a way I haven't done yet. For me, part of me fears losing people I have in my life, but I know those that loves binds never drift that far away. i know these things now, and shall continue to expand my knowledge as it comes up. Never giving in, never going back, wanting more than needing and loving with my entire heart. I guess that's the reason I left. To learn how to balance it all and love with my entire heart.

Whistleblowing on a Bad Day Care

Whistleblowing on a Bad Day Care

keep this going and don't let the kids get hurt!!!!

Quotes

I used to carry around a book that I wrote random quotes that everyone around me blurted out. I shall now let you revel in their awesomeness....

"I trust my soul, my only goal, is just to be"- RENT

"I found you in hell, you think I could find you in Jersey?" - What Dreams May Come

"The mind in its own place, and in itself, can make a heav'n of hell, hell of heav'n"

"Why is that I turn red at compliments? And that my eyes reflect disbelief? How come I can't look in the mirror and see what you see? Lend me your eyes to see a glimpse of the world. Take my hand and lead me into reality. For I am trapped in a nightmare of my own discontent"- Moon

"She's someone who taught me, that there are people willing to stand up for other people, no matter what it costs them. Who taught me about the kind of person I want to be"- Johnny Castle

"With my sidekick by my side. Life is full with dreams and pride!"

"When a blue moon rises in the night sky. It is time for the enchantress with the fairy tale city gleaming in her hair to welcome her friend the wolf. The howling of the wolf and the owl's music create a  haunting melody which brings to life her cloak of butterflies and moths. And inspires them to unfurl their wings and fly"

"This entire opus is respectfully dedicated to all those who have loved unconditionally only to have their hearts unanesthetically  ripped out; for what is given can be taken away. No Hope=No Fear" -Type O Negative

"Vida! I don't think of you as a man. I don't think of you as a woman. I think of you as an angel!" - To Wong Foo, Thanks for everything, Julie Numar

" I'm not really into finding a boyfriend. I just want to focus on friends, school and the things I like to do. Besides, Guys always like the girl who couldn't care less about them. But hey, that's me"

"Fate, when the unexpected becomes pleasure"

"No limits...That's the rule I live by. If I can dream it, imagine it, I do it."

"There is nothing negative about running away to save my life."

"He does make me happy, even when things are awful."

"I don't mind the sun sometimes, the vision as it shows. I can taste you on my lips and smell you on my clothes. Cinnamon and sugary and softly spoken lies. You never know just how you look through other peoples eyes."

"I just don't want to go back to waking up each morning wishing I was someone else"- Tart

"At least she had the guts to say what she meant, not like him, hiding behind his lies, he made my skin crawl"

"It was easier not to be me for a while"

"So what if we were freaks? I'd rather be a freak any day then be one of them"

"I wanna be with someone who only wants to be with me. Who doesn't need to see other people. Or be in the scene every night. I want to be with somebody that I can have a picnic on the floor with. And tell things to that I've never told anybody"- Ethan QAF

I want to be so in love that it hurts

Fighting for peace is like fucking for chastity

I'm not dirty, I'm stale

Teddy Rupskin isn't stuffed, he's possessed

I like naps. Naps are to sleep what BJ's are to sex

Touch me and that hand will touch nothing else again

" Gotta make a plan gotta do what's right, can't run around in circles if you wanna make a life, but I don't wanna make a plan for a day far away, while I'm young and I'm able all I wanna do is..."

Being built from the same foundation only makes you comfortable, not strong

Just take your fucking shirt off & get it over already!

Oh My Cock!!!!

I like to have my cock and eat her too

But I was drunken

Oh my Gawd...I am so trashed right now-Jersey girl cry

Just put a flag over face and fuck her for glory

"If this theory is wrong, that means men don't leave women Eddie, they leave me!!!" - Someone like you

"You are so hellbent on making things fit, you miss out on all the fun when they don't"

I'm tired of politics, that's why I'm gay- Jayson <3

Take your issues elsewhere, I cancelled my subscription

The average man thinks about sex 238 times a day...you know how they stand with their hands in there pockets of play with their belts? That's when they're thinking about it.

One good sexual thought takes at least 20 minutes

I love dessert...It's the whole point of the meal.

A mans character is his destiny

My whole life was ordinary and then we met and these amazing things started to happen...And I can't explain them...And I know that bothers you...Your life was full of spectacular stuff but mine wasn't, For the first time I feel like I can do anything and I don't know if I need you to keep that feeling but I know I want you.

Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will devestate my inner child forever

Does looking at guns make boys want to have sex? I'm 17 looking at linoleum makes me want to have sex -Cordy and Xander

I do my best to study Scottish men

What's your blood type?...Kosher

There's a person, just not a name or a face

You can't give sick people tic tacs!



All lesbians are lazy, all we like to do is drink beer, eat hot wings and pussy once in a while. Unless it's good, then it can be more frequent -Cheryl

Somehow I'm neither here nor there...How absolutely perfect...

Funny how song lyrics hit certain moments at certain times. Love songs are funny like that...They can make you feel up or down depending on what mood your in...

How do you talk to an angel? Do they really exist here on earth.?

My mood thus far, tired, aggravated and mush. I hate the ups and downs of bipolarity

Make up your mind! I'M A GIRL GODDAMN IT!!!!!

I laugh in the face of danger and then I hide till it goes away.

We saw the zebra's mating, it was kinda like the Heimlich with stripes

A vampire in love with a slayer. That's poetic in a maudlin sort of way.

Can we just revel in your fabulous lack of priorities

You think I'm never lonely because I'm so cute and popular. I can be surrounded by people and be completely alone. It's not like any of them really know I don't know if they like me half of the time.

I may be dead, but I'm still pretty, which is more than I can say for you.

Sorry, I couldn't help myself, your nose looked so tasty

We're your bosom friends, friends of your bosom.

Well we could grind our enemies into talcum powder with sledgehammer but gosh we did that last night.

She's a techno pagan right? ask her to bless your laptop

I know! We can go to the bronze and sneak in our own teabags and ask for hot water!

A vampire of course, but the cuddly kind,. Like a care bear with fangs.

But I don't want to go with you! I like the man with the musket. Do you have a musket?

She's sad because her lover gave her a dozen gold coins but then the wizard cut open the bag of salt and the dancing minions had no place to put their big maypole...fish thing

I'm in Florence Italy, I've rented a scooter that's parked outside and I'm in a little restaurant eating ziti and there are no more tables left and they have to seat this guy with me and it's John Cusack

He's great, and we have a lot of fun. But I want smoochies

That's it, it's time for me to act like a man....and hide

I seem to be having a slight case of nudity here

Passion. It lies in all of us. Sleeping...waiting...and though unwanted...unbidden...it will stir...open it's jaws and howl. I speaks to us...guides us...Passion rules us all. And we obey. What other choice do we have? Passion is the source of our finest moments. The joy of love...The clarity of hatred...and the Ecstasy of grief.  It hurts sometimes more than we can bear. If we could liver without passion, maybe we'd know some kind of peace. But we would be hollow. Empty rooms, shuttered and dank. Without passion we'd truly be dead.

You know raiding an Englishman's fridge is like dating a nun. You're never going to get the good stuff.You know raiding an Englishmans fridge is like dating a nun. You're never going to get the good stuff.You know raiding an Englishmans fridge is like dating a nun. You're never going to get the good stuff.

A person doesn't just wake up and stop loving somebody...Love is foreverA person doesn't just wake up and stop loving somebody...Love is foreverA person doesn't just wake up and stop loving somebody...Love is forever

You might want to let up. They say when you draw blood, you've exfoliatedYou might want to let up. They say when you draw blood, you've exfoliatedYou might want to let up. They say when you draw blood, you've exfoliated

It's a big rock! I can't wait to tell my friends they don't have a rock this big.It's a big rock! I can't wait to tell my friends they don't have a rock this big.It's a big rock! I can't wait to tell my friends they don't have a rock this big.

Bottom line is, even if you see em coming, you're not ready for the big moments. No one asks for their life to change, not really. But it does. So what are we, helpless? Puppets? No. The big moments are going to come, you can't help that. It's what you do afterwards that counts. That's when you find out who you are. You'll see what I mean.

"One by one, only the good die young. They're just flying to close to the sun, but life carries on...Without them"

What I did Today

I was going to start the day off right and be happy as a clam. Until at around 7am a door slammed in my face, one that had never slammed before. So I sent the following letter to every lawyer, newspaper, TV crew and radio station I could find. Now I shall post it for everyone to read. Then, after a few more minutes of writing I shall go ace a job interview =D

Bountiful Blessings Early elementary and Education Center

Center of lies

On August 16, 2011 I was laid off by my employer Bountiful Blessings Early Elementary and Education. This termination came right after a case of severe bronchitis that I had doctors notes for and a vacation that was well approved when I got hired.  I had come into work on time, started to set up stuff for my class and was asked upstairs by the owner. I was sat down in the office and handed a piece of paper and a pen. Not a word was said to me, I was just expected to sign it and come pick up my paycheck on Friday. This termination also came directly after I reported child abuse to the director by one of the staff member. This other staff member came in drunk to work, flicked kids when they were bad, called them stupid and dragged a 3 year old with a mental disability across the playground by his arms. She is still currently employed there. My son, who used to be a student there came home with five nail marks down his arm (which I have photos of) and the teachers claim they knew nothing about them and never wrote up an accident report. He is saying he got it from someone in that room. One of the owners kids pushed another child so hard she hit her head on the metal bar that opens the door and the mother(who is a teacher there) pulled her from the school age class and put her in her own room for the safety of her child. The owner’s daughter also got into a fight with one of the boys in the classroom putting her hands on him, and she was never disciplined for that but I believe that the mom pulled them out of the school too. Every employee that has pulled there kids from that daycare have either left or been pushed out as I was.  Another incident that happened while I was there is that I was asked to go into the kitchen by a girl who was bigger than me where she got in my face and threatened me about spreading gossip that I never even talked about. Said that if I did it again I would be done. (She is the owner’s daughter)  There is a severe case of nepotism at the facility, and the owners children (both adult and minors) are allowed to do whatever they want. I was also written up for leaving my classroom a mess (after I had cleaned it for a half hour) only to find out that when I left the owners children were allowed to run down there and play and do whatever they wanted. Regardless, every day I went there I was in trouble for something, I was told that I was hated by the directors and that I was targeting children to get in trouble. I loved all of the kids I worked with all of my heart and my co teacher can attest to that. She can also attest to the child abuse and the fact that I got harassed almost every day. I reported unfair conditions to DPW as I was concerned for the welfare of our school age kids who were frequently left (in ratio) but downstairs in a windowless basement with one teacher. Henceforth making it impossible for any of the kids to be taken on field trips as you need two teachers to do so. After I was handed my papers I filed for unemployment only to be told that I was a week to short of working for them to provide it to me. I am a single mom of two children, one of whom is Autistic and am finally back in school trying to make ends meet. I have no other form of income. I went to the school that following Friday to pick up my paycheck (which you have to sign over to them and they hand you cash). I was told (by the owner at the time that I picked up my pay check)  that she heard I had talked to DPW and the labor board and made sure to call them and tell them I was a disgruntled employee that lied about everything. I mentioned I had written a letter a while back about the harassment and unfair treatment that I felt I was receiving. The following Monday, I went to the school to speak with the director in her office (as I felt she was the only one I could come to with my problems) I mentioned everything that I thought was going on (to which she responded well we can’t discipline them because they are the owners kids). I also mentioned that I knew I was supposed to be given my final payment within three days of my termination, but was not paid for the Monday before I was fired. She said that payroll is every two weeks and I would have to wait. She was courteous and polite and so was I and I thought my points were adequate. I mentioned that I had heard, people saying that I was stalking the school. (I live a block away and you have to pass the school to get to pretty much everything in my area). I also mentioned that I felt it unfair to let me go when there were two teachers there that didn’t have all their clearances (at the time) and were being left alone with the kids. I have all of my clearances to work with children. She said that there was no ill will from her side of the termination and that we were still on good terms. After a nice conversation with the director, I went on my merry way to put my life back together and figure out where to go from here. The next day I received a certified letter in the mail (from the school, that is a block away) that they wished me the best in my job finding efforts but since I was no longer employed by them they would encourage me to please refrain from being on the property. Which was laughable but fine, I still was not changing the whole route that I took to get places just so I didn’t drive down the street in front of their school. There was no court order and I was being very civil. I went to my case worker to file for cash assistance and in the mail I received a letter from her saying that my old employer had to fill out a form which I have to bring with me to my meeting next Wednesday.  I got up early and went over to the school as to not bother too many folks with my presence. I was told at the door by one of the teachers (who receives CCIS but works in the same room as her child) that she couldn’t let me in without Lori (the director) permission. I said fine and held the door open as it was pointless to ring the bell again. I was then told by the cook that I had to close the door. SO I did, understanding that they had to go talk to the director. Then, instead of coming to the door and even speaking to me herself the director had the cook talk to me over the intercom saying I had to fax or mail said paperwork and she would get to it when she could. I said well can’t you just open the door and I’ll hand you through the paper. Their response was that I was not allowed on the property and if I remained on the property the cops were going to be called for trespassing. I have not done anything wrong. And I still have a form, to fill out that is not getting done. I tried calling the school numerous times, but they send the calls straight to voicemail. I feel like I was fired unfairly, harassed and am being treated like a criminal. I am even afraid to put them on my resume, for fear they will make up lies about me. I really need help on this matter, and I don’t have a lot of money. What can I legally do to take care of my family and prevent more children from getting hurt at the facility?

Thank you for your time

An introduction of sorts

I am a 28year old single mom of two. By single I mean I am in a relationship with a wonderful man, but am currently getting started to divorce the father of my children(we would be married 5 years in September). My kiddos are 4 and 2. One is an Aspie and one is Neurotypical, they are a hoot, brilliant and the lights of my life. I started this blog not just with the intent to write about the here and now, as most often do. I update my Facebook far to much for that. I want to preserve the past. The letters, notes, random derailed streams of thought that I have spent nights writing. All to be presented to you with love. Tell me what you think, keep the vibes positive and the good juju flowing. The Faeries will thank you for it....Now onto the show =D